That means I think people with grey hair should neither feel
old nor that old people lack originality... it means; lack of originality makes
ME feel old; grey hairs don’t...
If you keep up with this blog then you know at the end of
the year i suggest a new year’s resolution... you might’ve read about last year being the best year of my life. You might also have come to the
conclusion that as the days grow darker so do my innards.
So i... so i... so i spent this year mostly celebrating that
fact...
Perhaps a bit too much...
I lost sight of who i am... well... no... that’s a lil
dramatic, but the lights dimmed, the music got louder and the whiskey
showered... in all the madness and the heavy bass and the fake lights and the
sweat... inspiration and motivation evaporated... steam built up and let loose
into thin air... wasted... i looked for it... but the lights were dim, b...
i looked for steam in a cloudy haze... such has been my
ignorance, my idiocy... irony?!? CONFUSION
Whatever the case, this blog certainly suffered... and when
my baby suffers, then..
On the superficial side of things im doing quite well; Goes hand
in hand with the darkness, in’it!??
Im a homeowner now and am madly in love with it as well as
my new city... my new home... more responsibility and bills but they’re
welcomed... responsibility, at least.
Uh... uh... uh... uh... ummm...
Im descending, b!
Earlier this year i committed to a monthly monetary pledge
to an organization i believe in. I haven’t told a single living soul about it
until right now, well, technically, y'all don't live for me to see. (i did heavy research and the organization i choose to give to
not only reflects my wishes but also provides enough proof of receiveing and
giving that i am comfortable with) I realize i’m just throwing money at a problem
and although the money is put forward towards a solution to our ills, there’s
nothing i’m doing personally to help... (i applied. i went through three hours worth
of interviews; a training session and a year of suspense and eventually got
rejected because of something out of my hands that will take another year for
me to rectify)... im a faceless cheque... so my innards are still dark...
I’ve lacked empathy... this year...
I feel for others, i swear! and still have that want, almost
NEED to help everyone i love and to fix all their problems (which has been my
curse at times) but this year i’ve resented myself for it... sometimes i didn’t
feel like helping even as i was doing it, and trying hard while doing it... heartlessly... why it felt so hard... im ashamed of that... so i
give money... so you see why... why... my innards are still dark...
I’m in the best shape of my life... on the outside... I noticed
myself naked in the mirror the other day and realized i look better than i ever
have before (don’t drool, ladies, it’s not saying much) and i’m proud of it and
i’ve been working hard at it.... most of the time... BUT MY INNARDS ARE STILL
DARK!!!
Be beautiful so i can reflect it... be bright so i can
shine... love so i can feel loved... if you can’t do those things for me then
do those things for someone else and watch... WATCH! Watch the difference! (and laugh at my pronounced and exaggeration of sentiment)
I NEED to create so here’s my selfish suggestion for a new
year’s resolution: inspire me, b!
