there are some people i figure i wouldn't have to live without... that contradicts the fact that there won't be others to take their place... they're living... i'm dead... the coldness of that statement might contradict your sense of "dead".
i sometimes, very selfishly, egotistically, think i might BE... SOMEONE... someone, that someone else can't live without (laughable isn't it?!!?)... i need to make amends.
caught up in what i might mean to someone else or SHOULD mean to someone else, in my eyes... i lose... i lose focus... i lose perspective... but then... in my eyes... I'M GOD! (i'm not kidding, in case you think i am, i assure you, my narcissism is not a joking matter... bitch!)
i ignore what someone might mean to me... there's not a person that means anything to me... a lie... there's no one i can't live without... an affirmation! a sad fact... a fact nevertheless... a fact less of hope as uncomfortably as can be ... just...
and as high as that less will allow me to rise... i feel obligated to care for those who care for me and obligate others to care for me... how ugly is that???
OBLIGATION.
obligation. to me is one of the ABSOLUTELY most hideous feelings we conjure. others conjure in us feelings of obligation... i conjure feelings of obligation in others, MOS DEF i fuckin do!.... but when THEY do it, i resent them...
i'm just dead... dead for now... i'll resurrect... WATCH ME!
