First off you're probably asking yourself where the first part of this series is... second off i'm guessing no one reads this blog enough to know or care if there's a first part... third off, it's in my drafts. i think i posted it awhile back but took it down rather hastily outta gutlessness... ironically it was about confidence... rather the seeming lack there of at times. when i post it is when you'll know my confidence kicked up a notch. but for now...
myopic. my view can be.
impatient. i am.
my impatience has always devolved my slow evolution. the second step back to my best foot forward. my right seems to wander till left behind. at times. it seems. seeming has been a catalyst to my impatience. it seems. the...
anxiety! THE FUCKING ANXIETY!
my obsessive one track mind.
catalysts.
catalysts of mental chaos. mental... thoughts go riotous in my brain when i fixate on potential terrors. fears. ABSOLUTE FEARS!
my persistent one track mind has its benefits like this post being written on a completely empty stomach and maybe three hours of sleep over the last couple of days if i'm lucky or generous... i made up my mind to write so i wrote.
i write my wrongs...
my persistent one track mind also has its downfalls... it drags me down... apathy seems not to be an option... even when desperately needed... can apathy be a desperate need??? this lack of competence in apathy causes superfluous mental chaos. this lack of patience for clearer, harmonious thoughts causes mental commotion... sometimes extreme turbulence. this lack of patience for clearer, harmonious, apathetic... apathetic seems the wrong word now... stolid! this lack of patience for clearer, harmonious, stolid thoughts hinder my relationships and their seemingly hopeful progression or seemingly hopeless digression. their evolution. their devolution. i devolve them. before they devolve me. i devolve myself. through impatience.
i fear the expected and impatiently bring it forth before its due time and make it worse than it might be... than it has to be...
it fucking has to be!!!
it has to be... right???
I need some quiet time to catch up over here. Too much noise around my head for me to concentrate but I will be back. I had a response ready but choose to wait and think it over after I read this over again.
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