i don't like how i have the inability to let people close to me get close to me. the inability to keep people not close to me to remain that way.
i've been let down.
time after time. after time. after time.
something lets this continue. i. bare my soul. my heart. to people. that i know will not do the same. knowingly... i think... i know... i think... worse, they might know.
my friends that have always been there for me and stuck with me through thick and thin don't really know me... probably... i think... my fault... certainly... i don't let them in, let them in my secret world. i hide. from them. i hide. "they wouldn't get it anyway." they would pretend for my sake. to make me happy. for my sake. they would do anything to make me happy... so i ignore... i'm ignorant.
i wonder of someone without obligation. someone of want. almost need... it's what i want... i almost need.
People do what is easiest Amman. It is easier to keep control than to bare all and have to deal with the repercussions.
ReplyDeleteFor the most part people really don't want to know it all. It makes them feel somehow responsible for fixing it.
Are you looking for them to give you solutions to your life's problems? Not likely to happen.
What they don't realize is that we all just want to be heard. When we are down we don't want them to solve our problems but to acknowledge that something is all fucked up in our lives and we need ... a hug...a friend to listen.
How much do you know about their problems? Do you only see what they want you to see?
Everyone has shit in their lives that they hide. It is easier to share it with someone you don't really know because if you share it with family or friends it never goes away but is always there.. in between you...even when your position or feelings change they always remember the things you said or what happened.
When I would have problems with my sons I couldn't share it with my sisters because they would form opinions of the boys that wouldn't go away when the boys outgrew the bad times. As a parent I can get past those things but if my family knew they would be tainted for life.
I don't know that I understand your last sentence. Tell me what you mean.
I will have intermittent web access over the next 4 days but I will be looking for an answer from you.